So, is it REALLY over?
How could something that felt so right turn out so wrong??
Trust me, this is a question which has kept me awake many nights 😳
My soul searching led me to the therapist’s office, the self-help section of the bookstore and to countless articles, podcasts, webinars and social media posts about relationships, attachment style, boundaries and narcissism. At last count, I read and listened to thirty (yes THIRTY!!) books on these themes in about 20 months!*
What can I say? My Scorpio Sun likes to go DEEP! and it can be a little bit obsessive 😉😂 (ya think?)
Well, what happened?
It is easy to throw out excuses like “he lives 6214km away” “you don’t speak German” “long distance relationships are so hard” and the list goes on. But really, they are just excuses and don’t get to the root of things. But I did. This deep journey inward brought me closer to the answer, as painful as it was to shine a light on all those parts of myself I didn’t want to look at. But I didn’t shy away, because heaven knows, I really don’t ever again want to feel the soul wrenching heartbreak that engulfed me in 2019.
So, I blame my Libra Rising 😂
Ok, well, not completely, but it did give me a helpful point of reference. I have Mars in detriment almost exactly conjunct my Libra Ascendant, along with my Scorpio Venus (also in detriment) in the First House. In English? Being in relationship is fundamental to how I see myself. I naturally have a strong drive to be in partnership and very much try to find balance and harmony in relationships, and I do not have the resources to be naturally good at this. In other words, I’m a born people pleaser. <Sigh> It is very, very, very challenging for me to speak up for my needs with others; I just want to be liked and accepted. And so when the signs started to appear, I ignored them. I pushed them away, and rationalized and glossed over until I couldn’t. And then, I EXPLODED. <Ugh>
But, I am learning.
For me, it has started through learning to trust my body and what it has to say to me. I no longer ignore the drop in the pit of my stomach or the tightness in my chest. I ask the lump in my throat what it wants me to know about the grief I am feeling over the loss of this beautiful partnership. Even now, more than a year and a half later. And I show myself compassion. As astrologer and author, Jennifer Racioppi, writes, healing is not a linear process. So, I try to surrender to the lessons of this chapter of my life with as much grace as I can.
Through astrology, I am learning to live in synchrony with natural and lunar cycles and in balance with my inherent elemental framework. This has helped me to let life flow with ease!
Curious to learn how you can also get into a greater state of flow?
On Wednesday, April 21st, I am offering a free webinar Sync with the Cycles of Your Chart
In this interactive webinar, we will explore how to discover your natal Sun, Moon and Ascendant (or Rising) signs in your birth chart, as well as what they express about you. We will talk about living in synchrony with the lunar and seasonal cycles, as well as bringing the four elements (fire, earth, air, water) of your temperament into balance. No knowledge or experience of Astrology is necessary!
The Libra Full Moon is on the rise overnight, shining a spotlight on how we balance staying true to ourselves while also staying true to another in partnership. The cosmos is inviting us to look at right relationship.
May tonight’s Libra Full Moon bring love, balance and healing,
*PS-Want my recommendations on the best of the bunch when it comes to relationship books I devoured last year? Connect with me here